“Death is not the greatest loss in life..
Loss is when life dies
inside you while you are alive.”
Read a friends message
on whatsapp which made me reflect on the last 15 days of my life.
My life..yes I am alive as my best friend sleeps peacefully in her
grave. She died young, just thirteen days after her 26th birthday,
leaving her family and friends equally shocked and completely inconsolable.
With her, a part of me died too. I cant explain what it is. But there is
something amiss. I can’t feel it or point at it but I just know that it is not
there quiet right. From the past 15 days I haven’t done much but either slept,
read random stuff or just stared at her facebook page for hours. Going through
the pictures, her timeline, my timeline, all the comments, it is just
unbelievable that she is not there anymore.
For every moment that comes to pass, there is a before and after. Before
that moment, there was life and after that, nothing. For the rest, the after is
a space, a void that cannot be possibly filled. The bond that two people share
is exclusive. It cannot be compared with any other. A person cannot be
replaced. It is not humanly possible. The things you share with your best
friend, things which you don’t have to say, she understands without your
spelling them so. She is the information bank of all your disasters, all your
shenanigans, your daily goof ups. She knows your thought process, how you react
to situations, to people, to comments etc. Knowing exactly the
how’s and why’s of whatever you would do when met with a certain situation. She
knows how badly a thing affects you or how happy a single statement can make
you. She knows what would cheer you up or what would boost your morale and knows
perfectly well how to handle you at your worst as well as your best. She knows
the idiotic you as well as the Miss perfect you. She has been with you through
all, laughing with you, crying with you, being mean, being kind, by being
a listener, a comforter, by just being there with you for you.
Your best friend is in a way your mirror image. You see a
reflection of yourself in her. So what happens when she dies? The world doesn’t
end, it goes on. You continue to live, but something dies within you. They say,
time heals all wounds and you learn to cope up with the loss. You meet new
people, make new friends, or strengthen some old bonds. But that space, that
void, no matter how hard you try, can never be filled. There are so many things
which were just there in between the two of you, that exploring the possibility
of just explaining what you are thinking to another friend sounds stupid. And
it is in such a moment, you realize that your life would never be the same for
she did not die alone, but carried a part of you to the grave.
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